[My Life] Morning Blaze.

The sound of helicopters was the first clue that something was wrong. It took me awhile to finally get some sleep and once I began to drift, the roaring sounds of helicopter broke the silence of the room. At first I ignored it, thinking it was just the police doing some kind of search or sweep or SOMETHING and it should just go away in a few minutes. After 5 more minutes when the noise didn’t go away, but get more intense as if it was right overhead, I walked over to my bedroom window which looks Kings Highway. As the sky was preparing for the new morning, it painted a rose canvas for the helicopters to glided over gray streams of smoke. Shit, I muttered. What the hell is going on now? The sounds of emergency vehicles came next, followed by the image of number of police cars and ambulances moving recklessly through traffic. Looking over my cluttered desk for my cigarettes, I came to the realization that had none left. Cursing as I grabbed some jeans from off the floor, I was hoping that the deli where I got my cigarettes from at a discount (10 dollars a pack while others in the area charge around 12 dollars) was open even through it wasn’t 6 a.m. yet. Even as I sleepily moved around my bedroom for clothes, more and more sirens can be heard outside. Kimmiko, my cat made her way into my room

Within the span of 10 minutes from first hearing the helicopters, I was out the door. The moment the hit the street, the blistering cold gripped me. I zipped up my jacket even further in hopes that it would provide more warmth. As I turned onto my block from my building entrance way a oceans of red and white light stood before me just on the other side of Kings Highway. Cop cars and emergency vehicles blocked off the area from the growing traffic. Curiosity was getting the best of me. I wanted to know what was going on.  

Since the Deli was on my block, I went there first. Surprisingly there were several people in line already playing lottery numbers. First this woman, dressed in some sweats, thin jacket and hair wrap called off her numbers, that I nonchalantly mentally saved in my own mind for later, then this Crip, I knew growing up shouted his numbers to the Arabian behind the counter joking with him at the same time “An OG told me I should write my numbers down instead of saying them, nahmean…” he told him. The guy just nodded and gave a polite laugh. I paid no attention to the dialogue, wanting to get the hell out of there before he asked me for change again. As the Crip was getting himself together, going through the shelves for some goodies, the Arabian guy came over to me and I asked for the cigarettes and a large cup of coffee. “Light and sweet, 8 sugars” I told him. He gave double take, as if he has never heard me order coffee like this before even though I am there almost every other morning. “Are you sure?” he asked in a heavy accent. I just nodded. He turned to the coffee maker saying something in Arabic then turned back and handed me my cup. I thanked him and exited the store.

While the sky was bright and sunny, the area before was draped in fog. As I approached the scene, the smell caught me off guard. I am not a fan of fires, especially since my grandmother’s accident. Seeing someone you love ablaze, burns itself in your memories for a lifetime. Shortly after my grandmother’s accident, there was an explosion in the building across the street from my house. The smell of the explosion lingered for days and as I got closer the smell triggered old memories that really wanted me to turn back, but only a few feet away, I ignored those feelings those feeling and continued on.

There must’ve been over 100 Firefighters and at least 25 fire trucks in the front of the NYCHA apartment building. Ladders were still extended to the roof and smoke was making its way from the top floors. At a safe distance across the street, I watched as EMT workers looked after some fire fighters in an ambulance and others that had collapsed on the pavement. As I started to take some snap shots of the area with my camera phone, this guy starting talking the head off of anyone around telling them what happen and how he got photos of it all. Children in groups or with their parent started to make their way to the JHS and elementary school up the block, passing the depressing scene. Some stopped and watched, while other hurried along. A man with son stop next to me, and asked what happen. I told him there was a fire and he began to laugh. “Housing is going to finally get in trouble over those damn boilers” he said as he held his son hand “Finally going to find to put that shit in the building”. That is when I finally remembered this place. For the last 4 or 5 years, the boilers have been outside these building managed by the NYCHA and they received a lot of negative press about it (LINK) last year. When I used to make my daily walks to Canarsie to see my grandmother in the nursing home, I would pass by these monsters hoping that nothing would spill out on me.

Suddenly, my hand began to swell and my fingers started to turn a pinkish purple. That’s when I knew it was time to head back home to warm up. I stopped at the deli once more and got a second cup. The Arabian was sweet talking to a girl who had dressed similar to the woman I had seen when I came in the first time. She was giggling while holding on to a loosie he handed her as I walked in.

“You’re back so soon” He said.

“Yeah…” I answered slightly laughing. “I went to see what was going on down the street”

“Oh yeah the fire… Is it out?”

“Yeah… but it’s a big scene”

“Where is it?” The girl asked.

“Over by the NYCHA buildings a block up” I told her gesturing as if the builds were right in front of us.

            “Oh you mean, by the Castle?” she asked, with a horrid expression.

Now the “Castle” was part apartment complex, part halfway shelter, part drug den and exactly across the highway from the deli. Both the Arabian guy and I gave her side eye glance.

            “Not the building across the street, the one with the boilers outside.”

“OOOHHHH!!!” she said.

So I made my way back home, dodging the kids that were getting off their school bus and running into the Charter school on my block and other adults that were making their way to where they had to be today. As I turned the key into the lock of my apartment door, I thought that this was an interesting way to start the day.

Kenny.

[My Life] 30-Something

So last Monday, I officially hit a milestone, by turning the ripe age of 30 and I couldn’t be happier. I know it’s rare for someone to say that out right about getting older, but after the last couple of years of sorrow and misfortune, I really needed something to celebrate. As I begin the 3^rd decade of my life (Well next year when I turn 31, that officially starts off the next decade, but hey humor me for a second), I find myself reflecting on the lessons I’ve learned thus far. Last year alone, I learned that there are people who I might have absolutely nothing in common with, can be the best of friends, while the people I might have the most in common with can become the fiercest of enemies.  Imagine the movies “Mean Girls”, “Boyz in the ‘Hood”, “Cruel Intentions” and “The Player’s Club” had a bastard child and THAT would be my 2010. Yeah…

Right now, I look at the world around me in amazement. I’ve lived through 2 wars (ironically the conflict has been with the same country), several national tragedies with the most heartbreaking being 9/11, the election of this country’s first President of color (I honestly do not believe President Obama was the first, but it’s not like he can deny it or “pass” like other presidents were able too but that is neither here or there) and the Age of technology which has transformed every aspect of America. I know that this is just the beginning and over the years I hope to experience much more.

Moving forward, I know I have to let certain painful imagery, actions and events stay in my past. I can not move on if I am still wondering why this happened or what could I have done to change this event when in the grand scheme of things, it’s is done and over with. I wasn’t prom king, wasn’t a guest on the “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” or in a porn movie with Paris Hilton and my life still turned out okay. As my future is not yet determine. I have to be more determine to go down that road to get to a level that I want to get to which I know will be hard and rewarding in the end.

When I was younger I thought by this age, I would have a whole lot of things accomplished, but reality and idealism often clashed with one another. I have these goals like that I started to focus more on like:

• ·         Being more active in saving funds.
• ·         Working out 3 times a week.
• ·         Yearly check for any form of cancer (since it runs on my father side of my bloodline)
• ·         Going back to school for a higher education and working towards my BSW.
• ·         Opening an IRA.
• ·         Investing in a stock portfolio.
• ·         Making sure that one other person, either my best friend or one of my brothers, has a medical proxy for me just in case my mother is unable for any reason to any make medical decisions on my behalf.

As time goes on, there will be more goals for me to develop and mature, but I learned that in order for me to succeed, not only  do I have to plan well, but I have to make sure that each decision I make will be in my best interests.

Here’s to another year and another milestone with more to come!

Kenny.

[Lifestyles] Sickness at the Gate

Last year was crazy, painful and rewarding for me and when I was laid off in September, I thought I would take the time to evaluate my life while I was able to get unemployment. However most of that time, all the stress I had built up by over working myself those last few months had caught up with me and I spent most of October sick as a dog in bed. It was so bad that I had to go to the Emergency Room twice, because I could not take the pain. While waiting at Kings County Hospital, my main concern was not only the pain, but how I was going to pay for the visits. At the time, I was trying to get my unemployment cleared and I was no longer receiving any new checks from my previous employment so I only had a certain amount in my bank accounts to pay for things like rent, food and other bills. An ER visit was not in the budget to say the least.

In 2009, when I was in and out the hospital dealing with results of my grandmother accident, I would watch on the news about these town hall meetings where people would come out about health care reform, dubbing it “OBAMACARE” and how it was this total government takeover of our lives. You saw one political party pull out all the stops, and succeed might I add, to cause havoc concerning what healthcare reform could really mean to the populace. Even with the topic of “Death Panels” and “Pulling the plug on Grandma”, my mother and I had to make real decisions on the life of someone we loved dearly and did not want to see in pain, had to watch these people make a mockery of what we and millions of people were going through at that moment. I was disappointed with the Democrats constantly trying to appease the Republicans at every turn to only gain no votes and the disappearance of the public option further enhance my grievance. When I hear Republicans and Tea Party backed politicians say they speak for the “will” of the people, who are they speaking about, really? Not me I know that for sure. But atlas, by gones are by gones and crying over spilled milk doesn’t save the world. Just like the rest of the country, I had to move on. In the last two months I’ve had several doors shut in my face because my current income has me at a level where I am too poor to afford For-Profit health insurance like HIP, with the co-payments and premiums, BUT too rich to receive Medicaid. You see, when I started my old job last year, I just started to receive Medicaid and after my first check, it was discontinued because I made way more than allotted, which was fine, but kind of put me out there with no insurance. Of course I didn’t think about it while I was working. I was trying to get myself out of debt and make sure that my mother and I had a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and light to switch on when either one of us enter a room… and that I did.

So currently, I go to a hospital clinic on a sliding scale. The co-payments are within my budget restraints for the moment, but there are some good and bad points to it. The good part is I get to see a doctor, however whenever I am there, it reminds me of the days where I had to take my grandmother to the clinic and spend hours upon hours waiting to be seen for 5 minutes and given another appointment to do it all again the next month. The waiting room would always be filled with people who were either elderly, mentally or physically disabled people with their handlers and children running amuck. There were times I had to put a few people in check because they had gotten way to close to my grandmother while making a scene… and when you add the mixture of impatience, frustration and mentally disturbed people in a closed environment, only brings forth the ugliest in some people. Now, when I sit in the clinic alone, avoiding eye contact with the crazy ass people crowding the area, I wonder how many other people are in my situation. Waiting for a doctor, well let’s keep it real, an intern who can’t say your name right even if it was tattooed on your forehead, see you for a few minutes to inform you that your test results are not back yet and they still don’t know what is wrong. Hell, how many people are out there who cannot even afford a sliding scale and have no way of acquiring any kind of coverage. But that is another story altogether…

A few days ago I ran across this video on Youtube of a People Court case where a woman was suing a eye glass place in Canarsie, Brooklyn. Here’s the case:

I was SOOO mad after watching this video, because while I have been struggling debating on whether or not I can afford to go to the doctor, this woman was buying name brand non-prescription sunglasses like D&G, while receiving Medicaid and because I make 100 dollars over the cap with unemployment, I get nasty looks like I am trying to rob the system! I would like to hear more people talk about Medicaid reform instead of the total useless repeal efforts of legislation. What’s done is done. When the opportunity to enhance reform came about, there was nothing but bitterness, lies and miscommunication being tossed around.

On the news when I see reports of people cheating Medicaid of thousands, sometimes millions, but I hear either nothing or very little about what procedures are going to implemented to ensure that it would not happen again. Maybe, just maybe we should ask our congress representatives to look at what is on the table now and put forth improvements and correct any loop holes that may occur. There comes a point where people need to come together and really iron out there difference to really enhance the lives of the people of this country. With unemployment still high, political tension boiling over and a struggling economy still on the rebound… there comes to a point where we have to say enough is enough let’s get it together…

Kenny.

[The Stupidity Defense] Sag Low

A few years ago, I wrote a couple of blogs about dealing with the stupidity of people in everyday life. In one of those blogs, I talked about when I was taking medical assisting courses and there was this woman who constantly boosted about being an RN in her native Africa but DID NOT know how to correctly use a blood pressure cuff, read a medical chart or had basic computer knowledge. I mean this woman did not know how to how to BOLD font characters in Microsoft word and this was AFTER 8 weeks of a elementary computer course. Every time she saw me, she wanted me to help her in doing this or that, while at the same time trying to get me to do her entire assignment for her. It was only after cursing her out in front of the entire class and calling her everything but a child of God did she get the message that I did not like her and was no longer going to help her. In another blog, I wrote about working with folk in retail during the holiday season and people lose their f-ing minds and act like it’s not them it’s you. I have witnessed and been involved in the craziest scenarios when I worked in some retail stores because people are either too stupid to listen or just too hard headed to understand. One of my biggest pet peeves was dealing with cell phones because many people don’t understand the correlation between a cell phone maker and cell phone service. If you come into a store asking for minutes for a Nokia phone, you will get the “You’re a Duh-Duh” expression from the associate helping since Nokia only makes cell phones and does not provide you with service. You can’t image how many arguments I got into because they thought they knew better then the facts in front of them. I guess that is probably the reason why some many people do stupid things.

On to the topic at hand, A Facebook buddy of mines posted this video that I wanted to share:

Now I have blogged about the whole sagging epidemic that has taken over the urban communities for some time now. Point blank, it’s one of the stupidest urban fashion trends out there and if a lot of these hood dudes truly understood what the sagging represents they would not be in a hurry to show the draws. However after watching this clip, I was left scratching my head as to why this man, Mario Johnson was arrested AND what he was arrested for (Indecent exposure) because nowhere in the report did anyone say he exposed his privates. JUST THE UNDERWEAR!!! And that several women costumers complained to security about this man’s idiotic fashion sense which started all of this. Now look, my first thought was: “Miss, why are you crotch watching that hard for?” Because picture it… It’s 5:30am on Black Friday and you’re looking for a deal. Are you really paying attention to what the people around you are wearing and at the same time did you ever felt compelled to get security involved? This is why I have to assume that it was either one security guard that was offended and wanted to execute (in Eric Cartman’s voice) Authoritah! The next time I see a woman in camel toe jeans, should I go to the police and have her hauled off to jail? Now he was an idiot for getting loud, but I don’t blame him. If I am standing in line minding my own business and security pulls me out of line to tell me to pull up my pants, I would lose it too, but he just went about it the wrong way. You’re not going to win when police can say you were “Out of control and in a fighting stance” in order to slap a criminal case on you.

So I have to chop this up to all around stupidity on everyone’s part. Even through stupidity is not a legal defense by no means, he is going to need a good lawyer to get this case knocked out, but let’s keep it real, who are the true morons in this case?

Kenny.

[My Life] Fight Club Kenny

If you ask any of my friends, I am the first one to try to end a conflict then be the one to start one, so a funny thing happened to me a couple of weekends ago. I got into a fight. Yeah… I’ve had arguments with tons of people over the last few months, but it’s been years since I had a good old fashion tussle. It started off as a goodnight for the most part. I recognized a few faces, talked to some new people, reconnected with some others. I was surrounded by funny drunk people that seemed to go overboard with the antics with each drink. When I got there I had made the announcement that I was only going to have a ONE drink which was greeted to a chorus of boo’s. I guess too many people were accustom to me being some ones “Uncle Larry” at the party. So, the host of the party, sister had made me one of her famous concoction that was just too good to pass up and left me pretty buzzed.

To make a long story short, a guy was asked to leave and in the act of trying to get him to leave the building we ending up fighting in the hallway. I know I am cutting out the juicy parts, but this situation took place for over the span of an hour and I really do not want to rehash everything. Before the fight, I thought he was an okay dude, a little too touchy for my taste, but still okay. At some point doing the night, tension started to brew between us, so knowing my temperament I avoided being around him until the event that is. I didn’t win or lose. After it was all said and done, he had some kind of emotional breakdown and I had a sore throat from him choking me for a couple of hours and a busted hand for a few days from punching him in the face. No one died, did a fatality and No one went to jail, even through the NYPD was called and came, they did what they do best which was nothing at all. Hours later as I was walking home, I posted a message on Facebook saying that I was surprised that out of all the hood dudes at the party, I was the one that had the fight. When I woke up, hung over and sore, I was a hot topic amongst my friends. Yeah, that’s never a good look. It was kind of embarrassing that I let myself take it to that level but as I reflect on it now, I probably would end up just chilling with the guy and maybe have a beer or 2. This is where I take a moment so share what I learned from this experience:

• I need to hit the gym because my body was all kinds of f-ed up afterwards and if I was in better shape I would’ve bounced back faster.
• I need to learn how to NOT let the little annoyances people have affected me.
• I am too old for that type of bullshit.
• Glad no one videotaped the fight and uploaded it on Youtube.

Kenny.