[My Life] 10 Days Later…

So it has been 10 days since the start of 2013. By this time all the “Happy New Year” greetings have finally subsided and people are once again returning to normal life forgetting about all the things they said they would change about themselves once the clock stuck midnight on New Year’s Day. We’ve all done it at one point or the other… I’m going to lose weight! I am going to finally stop smoking! I am going to get a better paying job! I am going to stop cursing! I am going to blah, blah blah…  Within 2 weeks most people, myself included, are back to our old ways and habits that we hated about ourselves in the previous years. I don’t know about you guys, but I am so over the prehistoric concept. I stopped with the New Year resolutions a long time because I discovered something about myself that other people may not know and that is… I will fuck up and sometimes I will fuck up badly… BUT it’s okay. WHY? Because everything in life happens for a reason that we never understand at the time. I know I am not the only one that has heard this before.

So, this is what I know about me…

I tend to take on more work than I can chew. I am majorly out of shape. I tend to neglect my health. I think I am one more piece of paper away from being on an episode of Hoarders. I have major issues in opening up to people and letting them know how I feel. And so on and so on…

 I know, I know… Who says this about themselves? Well I am a realist and I know my faults. Now these last couple of years have sucked donkey balls for me (granted I do not suck on donkey balls or would phantom the idea of what they WOULD taste like, but I general don’t think they taste like homemade apple pie). Just reading some of my past blogs had left me wondering how the hell I got through some of the things that happen. However, in the last 6 months a new normal emerged and I had to get used to everything all over again. From going back into the work force and working jobs in 2 very different fields (non-profit and entertainment) to buying my first real DSLR camera and discovering how much I want to go back into the hobby of photography and graphic design that I had long abandon.

So this is my new blog for the New Year, hell it’s been a little over 6 months since I had the chance to just sit down and write a blog at all. I’ve changed. The world around me has changed… Life has uphill battles and avalanches no one expects. So every year instead of trying to set unrealistic goals for myself, I aim to just be more than I am right now. I will aim to learn more, see more, desire more, experience more… Using every moment at my disposal to make sure that the Kenny of 2013 is a little bit wiser than the Kenny of yesteryear's  just like you the reader of this blog should envision for yourself.

I am not one looking to click my boots together and POOF everything about me will become perfect. I am going to start taking everything one step at a time and even when I do fuck up, I will learn from it.

Oh and on a side note… If anyone complains about how bad 2012 was, just remind them that their face wasn't eaten off by zombies during the Mayan apocalypse that never was. It’s all about the perspective.

Kenny.

[My Life] That New Normal Thingy

There are a couple of things in life that I am a firm believer of. There is no such thing as the Loch Ness monster, Big Foot is probably some guys uncle out in Jersey and there is no such thing as the concept of normal. With every second that ticks by, there is something different on the horizon. Good or bad, we find ourselves adjusting to a new normal way of life, which usually takes time and patience.  And patience is something I am working on, especially now…

A couple of years ago in my darkest times, I could not phantom that I would be where I am today. At that point I was alone dealing with my grandmother’s accident, unable to finish school and had no idea where the money for the rent was going to come from, let alone how I was going to feed my mother and I. That was my normal for a number of months living a life that I had grown to hate. As the years went by, everything changed where I was employed, up to date on all the bills and had enough money to splurge whenever I wanted. But like all things that changed and I had to quick adjust again to a lifestyle that was pretty much  left me depending on other people. The act alone is something that I truly loath with a passion.

There had to be a point where I had to take matters into my own hands and direct a future for myself when I thought one was not possible. Before my mentor passed away, he told me that I would be great in social work. I shrugged it off, but it still lingered in the back of my mind and ever so often the idea would reappear. When I started to have serious health issues during the course of last year, a social worker reached out to me and was able to help me during those difficult times with obtaining health insurance, medications and other important information that I needed to know. It felt really good that there was some one that didn’t even know me going out of their way to make me at ease.

That is when I decided that I wanted to be one of those people who gave up their time and energy to help others. I started to attend workshops and gain certificates in the attempt to have more knowledge in different fields that I never had before. I took and GRADUATED from a peer educator class at an organization called AIDS Service Center, which helps those who are infected, affected and at risk for HIV/AIDS virus. During the course of the cycle I learned a great deal and hope to share the information that I received to others by way of PSA (Public Service Announcement) blogs here on Blogger and Tumblr or just helping those get the info they may need to better equip themselves. In addition, completing was a big step for me. Last Thursday, I was in a cap and gown and walked with my other peers in a very special graduation ceremony. Plus, it felt really good that my mother got the opportunity to see me walk, since that was the first time I was in a cap and gown in my adult life.

A year ago, hell 6 months ago… I didn’t think it could be possible for me to do so. Everything is changing all the time and I am adjusting to it. So I find myself dealing with a new normal… Last month, I laid out a plan for the next couple of years of career goals and personal goals that I would like to see accomplished. I want to continue to gain certificates, work on my CASAC, go back to school for social work and at the same time pursue a career in photography and writing. However, the reality is that in a few weeks my unemployment will end and I am still unsure if I am going to receive this peer position, but instead of crying over spilled milk, I have made back up plans to deal with anything that may come up. I see opportunities out there and I no longer want to waste them on dealing with issues that I do not have the power to change like I did last year. My dreams and goals are not going to happen over night, but one thing I know for sure is that I am ready for that new normal thingy to happen…

Kenny.

[My Life] Fitness FAIL

On January 17^th, I checked my bank account online and there was a debit from Planet Fitness of 10 dollars. I really, really started to kick myself because of it. You see, the charge wasn’t something that was shocked about getting, since I did have a membership with them. I just hated the fact that I feel like I was wasting money in a time where money is really needed. I’ve only been there once and you might have guessed it… it was t o sign up for that damn sweet membership offer. 20 dollars down, 10 dollars a month… Where can you find something like that in this day and age? Since coming back like Lazarus, where I was on the brink of death and left in an extremely weaken state, I have made great strides to improve my heath situation, but the one thing I have learned is that “the road to recovery is paved with bumps and bruises” so it’s been slow and sometimes painful to deal with. Trust me when I say that I have experienced it all over the last few months.

Since getting my gym membership, I eat all the time either at home or places like IKEA (The food there is off the chain!!!) or Wingstop which is better than any BBQ’s place around even Dallas BBQ’s right down the street in Downtown Brooklyn. I regained all the weight I had lost, go me!!! Especially since the crackish look was SOOO 1980’s. Being 6’3 and 148lbs was not a good look at all. Plus, I used to (and still have) major body issues. I thought I was too big, while others around me thought I was getting way too skinny for comfort. Even my mother told me that she thought I might be anorexic. Yeah, it was that serious…  So now, I have a book bag ready full of the necessaries of the gym, but I can’t seem to drag my ass over there which is only a 15 minute bus ride. It’s been either one thing or the other. The excuses have become: I am waiting for my brother to come with me since I don’t know/remember how to use the equipment; the weather outside is way too cold for me to go out; I am going to go first thing in the morning before the sunrise to avoid the muscle jocks that get off on looking freaks of nature; etc, etc, etc…

I do have other motives to getting in shape. This coming summer I want to go back to Robert Moses beach out in Fire Island which is clothing option. Yup, a nude beach and I want to be in the best physical shape so when I walk around with Mr. Happy flopping about and I don’t want to be self conscience about my increasing gut. Vanity… Such a wonderful sin, isn’t it? Beside the whole eating right and regularly, going to the doctor and taking my medications every day on time, I just really want to be one of those guys that will make jaws drop with a banging body.

It’s not going to happen overnight. I know that. It takes time, patience and all the other hippie crap you hear from the infomercials hocking some overpriced equipment. I just need to get that motivation to actually do it. But I will tell you this… If I don’t go to the gym before February 17^th, I am going to cancel my membership and get one of those Tae Bo tapes.

Kenny.