[Lifestyles] A Billion Broken Shards

I can’t believe it’s been 10 years already. You hear people say that all the time in an abstract way on how time pushes forward while they’re somewhat stuck looking at one still moment in time. In the craziness of the day I still remember every little thing that happen and the emotions that I was going through. Well the emotions that we were all going through in some form or another. I wrote this blog about 5 years ago in which I posted and reposted to several social networking site as each anniversary passed. After this year, I will retire it. As a part of growing and moving on, I need to work on moving passed EVERYTHING that happened that month. I was only 20 when this happen, just a kid that was barely out of high school and had no understanding of what the world was trying to offer me, but on this day 10 years ago all that changed and I was forced just like the rest of the country to walk with fear.

So here is my story about that day…

I was dreaming… I don’t remember what it was about but I knew I was dreaming until it happen. That damn phone call. It was 7:30 in the morning and let’s be honest WHO would want to receive a call that early. Rolling over I looked at the Caller ID and it was a familiar number. My co-worker Jerry Garcia that just started working at the same store in Queens as I did with my Best-friend as our boss.

            “Hey Kenny… Can you do me a huge favor, please… Tell Kobe that I can’t come in today because I can’t get anyone to drive me into the City and Queens… and that I will try to come in tomorrow if I could get a ride to pick up my check.”

            Pissed, I said, “You know that Kobe has a Cell phone, why the hell are you calling my ass for?”

            “Kenny come on can you do me this favor?” he whined.

            “Whatever, Jerry I will talk to you later” I said hanging up the phone. I tossed the covers aside, went into the kitchen made breakfast. My grandmother was in her usually seat in the Living room watching Walker Texas Ranger and she was hooting and hollering as Chuck Norris kicked some bad guys ass. Once I finished with breakfast I brushed my teeth and headed back into my room to lay back down.

The timer on the TV turned itself on and the WB11 morning news was staring back at me. Ironically they were doing the weather forecast and talked about how beautiful the day was going to be. But of course no one knew what was to come beside those that put it in action. In a flash I turned the television off and turned on Z100, hoping to hear some music that would put me in a better mood. It was 8:30, when I closed my eyes hoping that would at least get another 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep before I had to get ready for work and be there on time at 11, but then the announcement came.

DJ Elvis Duran of the Z-morning Zoo broke into a song and announced that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center building a few minutes ago. I opened my eyes and grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. It was true. As I flip through every channel that had images of one of the World Trade Center buildings on fire.

            “Great…” I whispered. I just knew that nothing good was going to come from this.

It was just before 9am when I called my boss/best friend. He had just gotten into the store and from his voice he was nursing a hangover.

“Hey, Kobe” I said, somewhat extra cheerful.

“What happen?” he said automatically. After being best friends for so long he knew my moods.

“Well, I got a call from Jerry this morning and he wanted me to tell you that he wasn’t coming in today and –“… before I could say anything else he started screaming.

“THAT STUPID MOTHERFUC-“ Well you get the point he was pissed and swore up and down that Jerry’s ass was out and would be fired as soon as he finished his coffee. Just before I was about to hang up, I remember the plane crash. I took the remote from my grandmother, which she cursed at me about and turned it to network television.

“Kobe, have you seen the news yet?” I asked

“No… what’s up?” he answered.

“Well going home might be a problem for you because some plane crashed into the World Trade Center…”

“What!!!” he exclaimed.

He turned on the televisions in his store and he stared at the same images that I was staring at in my home. “Oh shit” he exclaimed. Flames and smoke were gushing out of the tall structure as the people below stood in shock.

“I wonder how something like-“ It felt like it was slow motion. Before I could complete my sentence we both saw the second plane crash into the World Trade Center and explode. The words: Oh my God…escaped my lips. It was at that point I knew there was much more to this than just being a coincidence.

“Kenny did you see that? Did you see that?” he said. I couldn’t speak as the second tower began to explode in fire and what seems like a billion broken shards of glass crashing to the ground below.

“Kobe I don’t believe it?” I finally said.

“But you saw it too, right?  You saw that plane hit the building right?”

“Yeah I did… I think I did…” I said confirming not only what Kobe saw but what I’ve seen as well. “Kobe I will call you back...” I said after a short pause.

My first thought was my mother. Was she at work or was she at the World Trade Center? I just need to make sure. Since she was looking for a new job and most of the people in her company were now employed at the World Trade. I grabbed the phone again and called my mother’s cell phone and to my shock, I heard it ringing in a pair of discard jeans on my bedroom floor. I had forgotten that I had used it that weekend and forgot to give it back to her. This day of all days, why did I do something stupid like that? I dialed her work number and all it did was ring and go to her voicemail. After the 7^th time I was in a panic.  She had to be alright… I kept telling myself and my grandmother was no help. She didn’t understand what was really happening or why I was stressing out the way I was.

“It’s nothing…” she kept saying to me in her deep southern drawl. “Your mama ain’t there she is at work”

But I knew better. As quickly as I could I grabbed some jeans and a shirt and raced out of the door leaving my grandmother no longer watching the broadcast but Walker, Texas Ranger.

Nothing worked. The trains were at a standstill and tempers at the train station were at its breaking point. No one knew anything and the token booth operator was at loss for words. I ran liked the wind to catch the B12 bus to take me across Brooklyn so I can at least find be closer to Downtown where I was praying my mother would be. The bus was crowded full of more people that were more confused than I was. The rumor mill was fluttering around that there more planes crashing and one crashed into a building in Washington D.C. The bus just passed Kings county hospital when some one said that one of the buildings collapsed. That was the first time I cried. Tears were streaming down my face, and a woman patted my back telling me that it was going to be okay. I couldn’t tell you what she looked like or how she sounded, I just remembered her patting my back and me saying something about needed my mother. When the bus finally made it to Flatbush Ave., I was one of the first ones out and rushed to the connected bus stop. At the B41 bus stop on Flatbush Ave. and Parkside Ave. I waited with another crowd of people looking to get into a cramped bused. The bus driver told everyone that there were no buses heading to downtown Brooklyn at that time. Men and women were cursing and screaming at each other, the bus driver and at the world. I couldn’t let this set back stop me. I started to run up Flatbush Ave. and towards Downtown. With my mother’s cell phone in hand I called her job again and received no answer.

As I passed the Prospect Park train station on the Q train I started to notice something.  There were no cars traveling around me anymore and the people coming towards me were not longer white or black… they were gray. Gray people. These Gray people were everywhere as I raced passed the infamous Prospect Park.

 As I reached Grand Army Plaza, I saw a female police officer and went up to her.

“Excuse me officer, is it true? Did a building collapsed?” I asked breathing hard from running and I feared that I would faint right there.

“I don’t know…” she said trying to direct people around. As I started again towards Downtown when the officer grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I got to find my mother” I said, trying to pull my arm away.

“It’s a mess down there, you will only be in the way…” she told me, but I didn’t listen or care about what she was trying to say to me. I had only one objective and that was my mother. And so I moved on. Rushing through the sea of gray people, I stopped at an electric store, where a friend of mine was working located on Atlantic Ave. and Flatbush Ave. The store was crowded with people hovering around the television and buying radios, batteries and other things. My friend Mathew took me into the backroom where I was trying to hold myself together. On the television in the back room I saw the last tower fall to the earth and people just started to cry and gasp. The Mayor was calling for those to leave lower Manhattan and I was scared out of my mind. I looked up at Mathew and he looked down at me and we were speechless.

His mind was on his wife and daughter and I was completely blank. I didn’t know what to do or say. Before I knew it I was out of the door and back on my journey. Downtown Brooklyn was a mad house full of people running from the imaginary boogeyman that was now in your lives. The Gray people were in numbers now, some bleeding, some crying but all covered in ash. As I made my way through the crowded Fulton Street Mall area in Downtown, Brooklyn I tried to close my mind to what was going on around me.

My mother was standing in front of her job. When I saw her, I couldn’t let her go. It was embarrassing to my mother because I just held her and kissed each of her cheeks over and over again right in front of her Boss. She smiled.

“Why didn’t you pick up the phone?” I asked my face flooded with tears.

“I wasn’t at my desk… we were at the window and saw the planes hit… so we got the hell out of the building. When I got a chance to call the house, your grandmother said that you were coming down here to get your MAMA!!!” she said laughing.

 I do not remember the way home or what we talked about, but I do remember that I held her hand all the way home. Over the next few days we found out that many of her friends and old co-workers died that morning in the may lay. I didn’t feel anything for the many died that morning at first; my main focus was my mother and she was with me. But as the images of the destruction started to be over played on national television displaying families, spouses and others calling for their missing love one that was surely dead, it made me wonder what was going to happen next. Even now I am still wondering what is next…

Kenny.

[Lifestyles] Sickness at the Gate

Last year was crazy, painful and rewarding for me and when I was laid off in September, I thought I would take the time to evaluate my life while I was able to get unemployment. However most of that time, all the stress I had built up by over working myself those last few months had caught up with me and I spent most of October sick as a dog in bed. It was so bad that I had to go to the Emergency Room twice, because I could not take the pain. While waiting at Kings County Hospital, my main concern was not only the pain, but how I was going to pay for the visits. At the time, I was trying to get my unemployment cleared and I was no longer receiving any new checks from my previous employment so I only had a certain amount in my bank accounts to pay for things like rent, food and other bills. An ER visit was not in the budget to say the least.

In 2009, when I was in and out the hospital dealing with results of my grandmother accident, I would watch on the news about these town hall meetings where people would come out about health care reform, dubbing it “OBAMACARE” and how it was this total government takeover of our lives. You saw one political party pull out all the stops, and succeed might I add, to cause havoc concerning what healthcare reform could really mean to the populace. Even with the topic of “Death Panels” and “Pulling the plug on Grandma”, my mother and I had to make real decisions on the life of someone we loved dearly and did not want to see in pain, had to watch these people make a mockery of what we and millions of people were going through at that moment. I was disappointed with the Democrats constantly trying to appease the Republicans at every turn to only gain no votes and the disappearance of the public option further enhance my grievance. When I hear Republicans and Tea Party backed politicians say they speak for the “will” of the people, who are they speaking about, really? Not me I know that for sure. But atlas, by gones are by gones and crying over spilled milk doesn’t save the world. Just like the rest of the country, I had to move on. In the last two months I’ve had several doors shut in my face because my current income has me at a level where I am too poor to afford For-Profit health insurance like HIP, with the co-payments and premiums, BUT too rich to receive Medicaid. You see, when I started my old job last year, I just started to receive Medicaid and after my first check, it was discontinued because I made way more than allotted, which was fine, but kind of put me out there with no insurance. Of course I didn’t think about it while I was working. I was trying to get myself out of debt and make sure that my mother and I had a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and light to switch on when either one of us enter a room… and that I did.

So currently, I go to a hospital clinic on a sliding scale. The co-payments are within my budget restraints for the moment, but there are some good and bad points to it. The good part is I get to see a doctor, however whenever I am there, it reminds me of the days where I had to take my grandmother to the clinic and spend hours upon hours waiting to be seen for 5 minutes and given another appointment to do it all again the next month. The waiting room would always be filled with people who were either elderly, mentally or physically disabled people with their handlers and children running amuck. There were times I had to put a few people in check because they had gotten way to close to my grandmother while making a scene… and when you add the mixture of impatience, frustration and mentally disturbed people in a closed environment, only brings forth the ugliest in some people. Now, when I sit in the clinic alone, avoiding eye contact with the crazy ass people crowding the area, I wonder how many other people are in my situation. Waiting for a doctor, well let’s keep it real, an intern who can’t say your name right even if it was tattooed on your forehead, see you for a few minutes to inform you that your test results are not back yet and they still don’t know what is wrong. Hell, how many people are out there who cannot even afford a sliding scale and have no way of acquiring any kind of coverage. But that is another story altogether…

A few days ago I ran across this video on Youtube of a People Court case where a woman was suing a eye glass place in Canarsie, Brooklyn. Here’s the case:

I was SOOO mad after watching this video, because while I have been struggling debating on whether or not I can afford to go to the doctor, this woman was buying name brand non-prescription sunglasses like D&G, while receiving Medicaid and because I make 100 dollars over the cap with unemployment, I get nasty looks like I am trying to rob the system! I would like to hear more people talk about Medicaid reform instead of the total useless repeal efforts of legislation. What’s done is done. When the opportunity to enhance reform came about, there was nothing but bitterness, lies and miscommunication being tossed around.

On the news when I see reports of people cheating Medicaid of thousands, sometimes millions, but I hear either nothing or very little about what procedures are going to implemented to ensure that it would not happen again. Maybe, just maybe we should ask our congress representatives to look at what is on the table now and put forth improvements and correct any loop holes that may occur. There comes a point where people need to come together and really iron out there difference to really enhance the lives of the people of this country. With unemployment still high, political tension boiling over and a struggling economy still on the rebound… there comes to a point where we have to say enough is enough let’s get it together…

Kenny.

[Government and Politics] Independence Redefined.

It’s another year and another reason for the American populous to branch out to the beaches, fill up their stomachs with insane amounts of processed burnt meats and fill the sky with fireworks. As I walk through around my neighborhood, all I could see are the red, white and blue American flags, that will be replaced in the coming weeks with flags from all over the Caribbean. These last few years I have really questioned why we as a country are so eager to celebrate the birth of our country when the foundation of the birth was based on lies, power, theft and death. Many times it makes me wonder what being an American really means. This country was built on the backs of those who could not defend themselves and when you even mention that fact, you’re bombarded with opposition from those who do not either understand our country’s past or refuses to acknowledge it even if it staring right in their face.

During the historic 2008 election which promoted a person of color to the highest office in the world, you saw a backlash from the conservative right declaring him anything BUT American. He was foreign born, he was a communist, he is elitist and doesn’t understand what REAL Americans go through… This is how the The Tea Party movement sparked the sometimes idiotic discussion about bringing this country back to what our forefathers intended. They built these grassroots rallies and marches funded by billionaires, promoted by a major conservative news network, hosted by out of work congress members, who used lies, propaganda and gullibility to woe the frighten masses.

Fear. The best element those in power can use to gain the trust of people who do not know any better. Recently, when Arizona passed the statue giving local authorities the power to demand documentation from those they have “reasonable” belief of being illegal aliens. It gives federal powers to local authorities to combat illegal immigration which is a issue that is something that the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT is suppose to deal with. I actual thought that something like this was a joke. That maybe, just maybe, someone would come to their senses and realize that this was wrong. If someone looks like they’re a certain ethnicity, when is it okay to assume if they are illegally in this country? It’s funny because many people like to pass the entire blame to the Obama Administration, stating that since the federal government is not during there job in protecting our borders then local governments has to do there part, I guess because no one wants to admit that the pervious President provided no solution in securing the southern borders even through that was one of the issues he PROMISED to solve during his 2004 re-election. Remember those, I will ban gay marriage, end the wars and stop the illegal speeches he used to give through the pulpits all over the southern states. I watched Karl Rove rant about President Obama didn’t care about the concerns of the Hispanic community, because he is only trying to secure voters of his 2012 re-election, something that Bush did might add, but then again Mr. Rove would obviously omit that fact. But then again many right-wing political pundits, like Karl Rove have used the blanket term of “terrorist” and “illegal alien” to invoke there base to rally for their cause since that’s the best marketing tool.

Do we live in a country were everyone is equal? I guess that is up for interpretation depending on who you are or where you live. It’s always obvious to me that we are not like other countries where segments of the population are in mental and physical chains, where people do NOT have the freedom of speech to speak about the ills of there perspective governments. Since September 11th, this country has redefined what it means to be free and at the same time limited what we could do and say. If you criticize anything America does, then YOU, my friend are not a true American. Many people do not believe me, which is okay. All anyone has to do is actually read the Patriot Act. It lays it out in black and white giving new powers to the government. Overnight, we allowed outrage and sorrow over 9/11 to give the Bush Administration the green light to help recreate the world for a select few to rule. There is a method to the madness. Keep the American public occupied with mindless drivel just long enough to enact law that strips way the rights provided in the constitution to the American public. The media will report the antics of vapid celebrities, while behind close doors dirty deals are being made.

Do you ever notice that we are always fighting a “them”. When you really think about it, it could mirror George Orwell’s Animal Farm. From the English, the Native Americans, the slaves, the Nazi’s, the Communist, the gays, the Muslims and even pirates… We have this “them” factor that is exploited by everyone in power.

Yeah, we are in the era of change but what has changed? As the years rapidly rushed by, the main political parties have passed the buck on what was the other guys fault while at the same time boosting they are actually helping this country through the hard times. The Democrats who used these “wars” or should I say occupation, in Iraq and now Afghanistan to their own political advantage this year more then ever. In 2006, when they took the House and Senate, they made a promise to put a stop to the Bush regime. Did that happen? Nope… Not one bit. After the Democrats took over the Congress and the White House, I wondered when in the hell they were going to enact make sweeping changes concerning the economy and future policies, but did they do it? At every given moment they while the debate of issues like healthcare reform would take place it became plainly obvious that there plan is to cower down to their GOP counterparts who found comfort in the minority. Think about it. They care just sit back and say I told you so if something goes wrong, while at the same time either voting down EVERYTHING the President has propose and not offering anything as a substitute.

Here is some home truth: 9/11 has become a lucrative cash cow. As awful as that sounds, it is very true. The right-wing media likes to down play that while at the same time promoting themselves as the ultimate in Americana. There are major companies who do not want to see this “war on terror” end anytime soon, because it is majorly profitable. Blackwater, Halliburton and most recently the oil companies like BP, who is poisoning the Gulf Coast as I write this, are reaping the benefits of it. The reason why most countries have a war is to have a war. In the end nothing is really gained, because waking moment this country is creating more and more enemies who are willing to fill in the shoes of fallen ones. Citizens in Middle Eastern countries are killed by the thousands and it seems no one in the United States bats an eye. Death begets death. Violence begets violence. The cycle will continue to repeat itself, unless something changes that.

Benjamin Franklin once said “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little safety deserve neither liberty nor safety” As this day comes to a close I want people to think about those words…

Kenny.

[Government and Politics] Dear Mr. Bloomberg…

There is no doubt in my mine that you are going to win the New York City mayoral election occurring tomorrow, HOWEVER my vote will NOT be marked for you, Mr. Bloomberg. I don’t think you are a bad guy and if the circumstances were different maybe I would have a different reaction to your candidacy, but as of this moment I have to announce that I can not support you. So this election day, I will vote for Bill Thompson for Mayor. Do I think he is going to win? Hell no! You might come off with a bigger margin then the last election for several different reasons. The main one being that the Democrats haven’t nominated a decent candidate in years. Besides, you’ve been successfully painting the man every which way you can while trying to boost about your “accomplishments” in education and he has been unsuccessful at not only decelerating who he is and WHY he is better then you, but the direction New York City needs. After seeing the only two debates on NY1 and on ABC channel 7, those points I made earlier became very clear.

However I wanted to take a moment and explain why you are not getting my vote in the election tomorrow, as meaningless as it may seems. As of late last year, you have constantly blamed the national economy for the woes of the city. While it is true that the world was going to shit in a basket with massive layoffs and bailouts to companies that became to big to fail, the cost of living in New York City had gone up dramatically since you’ve been in office before that time. While it has never been cheap to live in this city, it really says something when you find yourself paying double or triple for necessities and rent. The New York sales tax went up to 8.8% (that was just this past summer, right after the fiasco in Albany), The MTA has raised the fare amount many times on unlimited rides and twice on the base fare as you stood by and did nothing (from $1.50 to $2.25). What happen to the reform of the MTA that you had promised on the campaign trail twice before? The only proposal you have put out there has been the congestive pricing plan (which failed thankfully) to further tax people here in the city. I guess we all have to do our part right? The MTA received a bail out and do whatever they want and new Yorkers get to flip the bill. Whenever the topic is brought up concerning the MTA , you nonchalantly dismiss the asker as some kind of a nuisance. You have a habit of doing that, Mr. Bloomberg and it is very disrespectful.

By the way, Mr. Bloomberg, Downtown Brooklyn is slowly disappearing. I don’t know if you know this or if this is a part of the master plan started by Dinkins and his administration to continue the removal of the middle class from the city of New York. The once focal point of Fulton Street, Albee Mall has been torn down to make way for more and more condos that 80% of the people cannot afford. Why? Because you and your flunkies in the city council have pushed emanate domain to further displace New Yorkers living around the Atlantic rail yards, since that is the site for the future home of the Net’s Stadium. A stadium that was a part of your unsuccessfully bid to win the summer Olympics for 2012.

As you lead your war against tobacco smoking (which I understand, but do not like, because of health concerns), by making the price of a pack of smokes raise from 4 -5 dollars a pack to, in some places 11 – 12 dollars a pack… not once have I seen you go after alcohol or any other product that might have adverse affects to one’s health with that same gusto. It’s like I can’t have a drink at the bar or club and smoke at the same time plus I have to take out a personal loan for pack, but can get a beer for 99 cents and get into a car. What kind of sense does that make?

Honestly, I do not think you know the feeling of what it like to live in a place where you have to struggle with the Landlord for heat during the long winter months. I wonder if you know what it feels like to know that any day you will have to mange without electricity because you had to pay other bills instead of Con Ed that month. As I see from many Youtube clips, you like to ride mass transit, but do you have any idea what it is like to feel the pinch when the MTA ups the fare and trying to come up with the money to pay for your only means of transportation to support yourself AND everything else. Yes, there is no doubt in my mind that you are out of touch with many of the citizens of this city.

However my main concern was this…

You see, right after 9/11 when the whole country was going gaga over Rudy Giuliani and calling him “America’s Mayor” for some strange reason during the last few weeks of him term, there was mention of extending his term beyond the limit. The reason why I voted for you was because you were probably the only person that said NO WAY! That the citizens of this state voted for term limits and it would be up the next mayor to continue the job. That was why I voted for you, Mr. Bloomberg. I thought you understood that term limits was something voted by the people of this city. For weeks you were on the stomping ground trying to pump life into the idea that YOU were the only one that could get this city through it’s finical woes. You however took it upon yourself to go through the city council and had it overturned. What backroom deals did you make to get that done, Mr. Bloomberg? Plus you have the absolute GAUL to belittle, name call and dismiss those that question your motives. When one day you give speeches about how dire the city’s economy was and yours is the only leadership the city needs to get past it… then turn around and give another speech about it was on the rebound, do you not expect people to question ONCE AGAIN your reasoning behind a third term?

This little blog will mostly not matter because you are the status quo. It is better the have the devil you know then the one you don’t right. On election night, while you are celebrating your third tern as mayor, I will seek comfort in the fact that I’ve made the right choice in who I voted for.

You have bought this election, Mr. Bloomberg. I hope it was worth it…

Kenny.