Saturday, January 03, 2009

[Lifestyles] I am

Who are you? When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you only see flaws or do you see beauty? How do you define yourself as a human being? When I look at myself mirror, I can find 20 million things wrong. I have too much hair on my face, my arms and legs. I want to get rid of the blackheads on my nose. My ears are a touch too big. I need to get my teeth corrected so I don’t feel insecure and wonder if some one notices the gap on the side. I hate it when some one touches my skin because it turns bright red instantly. I would like to be shorter and have smaller feet, so can just walk into any store and get something and not have to ask if they carry pants/jeans with a 36 length and sneakers/shoes above size 14 and a half. I wish that I was a lot toner and did not have to worry about maintaining a certain weight so I don’t look too full or hungry.

But there in my eyes I see it. That spark of individuality, that no one has but me and I can’t help but to say: Damn, I’m hot!… Despite the superficial imperfection I see, I can still look at the mirror and realize that those flaws do not define me. They don’t make up my personality, my thoughts or my feelings. It’s just another aspect of me that I am aware of. I’ve been called ugly and at the same time I’ve been called handsome. There have been times where I walk into a crowded room and heads turn with people smiling at me and there have been times where I can’t get noticed if my life depended on it. In the end it doesn’t matter, if I can’t look at myself and be happy with what I see, then why bother. Too many people placed themselves into a certain category and want others to follow suit. In modeling, if you don’t look sickly skinny or have that perfect flat stomach with the 6 pack abs, then you are not considered beautiful. Men and women starve themselves, pump chemicals into their bodies and do all kinds of things to reach that goal of being just like everyone in the magazines.

When I was apart of different networking websites, like Yahoo! 360, Multiply, and Myspace, there was always this emphases on being “Official”. You must have the freshest style of clothing, hair and swagger with the banging body style in order to step into their realm of existence. Usually the ones with all the rules are the ones that are far from what they seek. If they can look at others and judge them with such high standards, what does that say about that average person? At times it makes you wonder what being “official” and beautiful really means.

While people are out there these next few weeks trying to redefine themselves so that others approve of there looks and image, I hope they stop and think if they are doing it for themselves or just letting people who really do not care about them define them. I don’t do resolutions, because I suck at them. I tell myself that I am going to stop cursing and five seconds later I am having a torrents fit. So instead of writing this long list of things I would like to change, I just tell myself to be better then I was in the previous year. Be more than what I am and do it with pride, because when I look at the mirror, I see the beauty inside and not the temporary flaws that will always change.

So who am I? I am that friend, that single voice in a crowded room who is willing to speak, that shoulder ready for the tears for those that need it. When I look in the mirror I see it all, the flaws and beauty because I know that the beauty and strength within is the only factor that matters. And finally, how do I define myself?... I am just me.

Now it’s your turn…


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