[My Life] 10 Days Later…

So it has been 10 days since the start of 2013. By this time all the “Happy New Year” greetings have finally subsided and people are once again returning to normal life forgetting about all the things they said they would change about themselves once the clock stuck midnight on New Year’s Day. We’ve all done it at one point or the other… I’m going to lose weight! I am going to finally stop smoking! I am going to get a better paying job! I am going to stop cursing! I am going to blah, blah blah…  Within 2 weeks most people, myself included, are back to our old ways and habits that we hated about ourselves in the previous years. I don’t know about you guys, but I am so over the prehistoric concept. I stopped with the New Year resolutions a long time because I discovered something about myself that other people may not know and that is… I will fuck up and sometimes I will fuck up badly… BUT it’s okay. WHY? Because everything in life happens for a reason that we never understand at the time. I know I am not the only one that has heard this before.

So, this is what I know about me…

I tend to take on more work than I can chew. I am majorly out of shape. I tend to neglect my health. I think I am one more piece of paper away from being on an episode of Hoarders. I have major issues in opening up to people and letting them know how I feel. And so on and so on…

 I know, I know… Who says this about themselves? Well I am a realist and I know my faults. Now these last couple of years have sucked donkey balls for me (granted I do not suck on donkey balls or would phantom the idea of what they WOULD taste like, but I general don’t think they taste like homemade apple pie). Just reading some of my past blogs had left me wondering how the hell I got through some of the things that happen. However, in the last 6 months a new normal emerged and I had to get used to everything all over again. From going back into the work force and working jobs in 2 very different fields (non-profit and entertainment) to buying my first real DSLR camera and discovering how much I want to go back into the hobby of photography and graphic design that I had long abandon.

So this is my new blog for the New Year, hell it’s been a little over 6 months since I had the chance to just sit down and write a blog at all. I’ve changed. The world around me has changed… Life has uphill battles and avalanches no one expects. So every year instead of trying to set unrealistic goals for myself, I aim to just be more than I am right now. I will aim to learn more, see more, desire more, experience more… Using every moment at my disposal to make sure that the Kenny of 2013 is a little bit wiser than the Kenny of yesteryear's  just like you the reader of this blog should envision for yourself.

I am not one looking to click my boots together and POOF everything about me will become perfect. I am going to start taking everything one step at a time and even when I do fuck up, I will learn from it.

Oh and on a side note… If anyone complains about how bad 2012 was, just remind them that their face wasn't eaten off by zombies during the Mayan apocalypse that never was. It’s all about the perspective.

Kenny.

[My Life] Kenny versus The Mondays

Mondays suck ass…

The reality hits you that you have to be an adult for 5 whole days, before you can just lose your morals on the weekend. Ugh… My Monday, started off with a banging start! It started off last night, when I was going through some Craiglist job ads. I started to hear a lot of rumbling and yelling. Usually that kind of noise would come from next door, where my neighbor’s out of control pregnant teenage daughter would either be assaulting her or fist fighting with her boyfriend/baby daddy/dick of the day… I don’t know, I just try and mind my business and hope they are not hearing my porn. However this time all the thumping was coming from up stairs. I don’t know much about the family upstairs except for the fact they do not know how to TURN OFF A FAUCET IN THE DAMN BATHROOM!!! But I digress…

The walls and ceilings are very thin in this building. As I am sitting trying to concrete on getting this work search done, I have to hear about why this one guy is going to fuck up this kid if he doesn’t go to his room. Every time I move from one to another, they seem to follow. It was crazy… Then like icing on the cake, the toddler next door… I should mention that the out of control pregnant teenage daughter has a house guest of ANOTHER young lady with a creepy looking toddler. Yeah, I know kids are supposed to be all innocent, but there is something off about that kid big time. He reminds me of the baby from Pet Cemetery and whenever he is in the hallway and I’m coming out, he sees my cat Kimmiko and tries to reach for her. Now Kimmiko is an attention whore and loves almost everyone, but when she sees him she hisses and growls. Can anyone say Red Flag?... He starts screaming his head off like there was no tomorrow. Oh how I wanted to do really bad things at that point…

As everything seemed to settle down, someone must’ve turned the on Hip Hop Chronicles Soap Opera. *Sigh* There has been this on again off again relationship going on the floor below me. I really don’t know or care about the details, but at least once a week, I can guarantee on hearing banging on the door for at least an hour and the couple spilling out there business for the building to hear. This was one of those nights… I got to hear how she couldn’t do shit right and how he had a little dick. I could’ve lived the rest of my life in bliss not knowing that. Cops were called, he ran came back banging on the door, calling her everything but a child of God… Cops were called again, this time he stayed, told him to leave and the cycle continues for another day…

It was almost dawn when everything in the building became deathly silent and I was wide awake. Throwing on some running pants I went to the Dunkin’ Donuts on my block for a blueberry coffee (I am there SOOO many times that mostly everyone knows my order and has it ready for me right as I walk to the counter) and I decided to go on a morning jog, something that I’ve been trying to get back into since I’ve started to get a bit healthier, when it started raining. It was one of those “Fuck my life moments”, but fit everything so well.

Returning home and wishing I could shower… which is another story for another time, I spent the morning on EMPTY, I started to finish planning my long week of workshops, appointment, and trying to move money around to make sure that in the next 2 weeks after my unemployment stops, I had enough to pay the rent and bills… on time as well as food. After setting everything up, I just remember closing my eyes for a second and it was suddenly almost 2:30 in the afternoon. How much I hate the Mondays. I knew I should’ve just taken a seroqul and went to sleep the moment my mother went off to work.

Kenny.

[My Life] That New Normal Thingy

There are a couple of things in life that I am a firm believer of. There is no such thing as the Loch Ness monster, Big Foot is probably some guys uncle out in Jersey and there is no such thing as the concept of normal. With every second that ticks by, there is something different on the horizon. Good or bad, we find ourselves adjusting to a new normal way of life, which usually takes time and patience.  And patience is something I am working on, especially now…

A couple of years ago in my darkest times, I could not phantom that I would be where I am today. At that point I was alone dealing with my grandmother’s accident, unable to finish school and had no idea where the money for the rent was going to come from, let alone how I was going to feed my mother and I. That was my normal for a number of months living a life that I had grown to hate. As the years went by, everything changed where I was employed, up to date on all the bills and had enough money to splurge whenever I wanted. But like all things that changed and I had to quick adjust again to a lifestyle that was pretty much  left me depending on other people. The act alone is something that I truly loath with a passion.

There had to be a point where I had to take matters into my own hands and direct a future for myself when I thought one was not possible. Before my mentor passed away, he told me that I would be great in social work. I shrugged it off, but it still lingered in the back of my mind and ever so often the idea would reappear. When I started to have serious health issues during the course of last year, a social worker reached out to me and was able to help me during those difficult times with obtaining health insurance, medications and other important information that I needed to know. It felt really good that there was some one that didn’t even know me going out of their way to make me at ease.

That is when I decided that I wanted to be one of those people who gave up their time and energy to help others. I started to attend workshops and gain certificates in the attempt to have more knowledge in different fields that I never had before. I took and GRADUATED from a peer educator class at an organization called AIDS Service Center, which helps those who are infected, affected and at risk for HIV/AIDS virus. During the course of the cycle I learned a great deal and hope to share the information that I received to others by way of PSA (Public Service Announcement) blogs here on Blogger and Tumblr or just helping those get the info they may need to better equip themselves. In addition, completing was a big step for me. Last Thursday, I was in a cap and gown and walked with my other peers in a very special graduation ceremony. Plus, it felt really good that my mother got the opportunity to see me walk, since that was the first time I was in a cap and gown in my adult life.

A year ago, hell 6 months ago… I didn’t think it could be possible for me to do so. Everything is changing all the time and I am adjusting to it. So I find myself dealing with a new normal… Last month, I laid out a plan for the next couple of years of career goals and personal goals that I would like to see accomplished. I want to continue to gain certificates, work on my CASAC, go back to school for social work and at the same time pursue a career in photography and writing. However, the reality is that in a few weeks my unemployment will end and I am still unsure if I am going to receive this peer position, but instead of crying over spilled milk, I have made back up plans to deal with anything that may come up. I see opportunities out there and I no longer want to waste them on dealing with issues that I do not have the power to change like I did last year. My dreams and goals are not going to happen over night, but one thing I know for sure is that I am ready for that new normal thingy to happen…

Kenny.

[My Life] Thank you for crotch watching…

It is always good to take a trip down memory lane, well in most cases. This morning I was going through some old blogs that I had posted on a social networking website from 2009, talking about when I would travel back and forth from Brooklyn to Staten Island everyday on the ferry to be with grandmother while she was in the Burn Unit ICU in Staten Island University Hospital. I hated the commute in every which way. An hour to get to Staten Island and another hour to get the hospital was draining on my mental state and most days I was deeply depressed or angry.

Before this accident, I’ve never been on the ferry. It was a new and unwelcoming experience. The massive rude crowds of people rushing in trying to trample over you for a damn seat and afterwards engaging in all sorts of loud personal conversations that would make Heather Del Rio blush. Boy, Oh boy… Most of the time I would buy a coffee and zone out with my mp3 player blasting some angry hip hop music.

On one such afternoon, I was in my own little world oblivious to anything around me. As I drifted in and out of a cat nap, I never noticed a man taking a seat right in front of me. I was wearing some fitted jeans, not the tight ass yeast infection stuff these people are walking around in these days, but something that actually fitted my body and wasn’t half way off my ass. I usually sit like most guys do. Feet planted firmly on the floor with my legs open, which is nothing special at all. Midway into the voyage, I suddenly felt there were eyes on me.  Have you ever gotten the feeling that you were being watched? Not a comfortable feeling at all is it? When I looked up, the gentleman that was sitting across from me eyes were fixated on my crotch. Yeah… I wanted to tell him that it doesn’t do tricks, but thought it would be unwise to do so. So I snapped my fingers and he popped out of whatever daze he was in and looked me in the face.

The one thing my friends all tell me is that my facial expressions show my feelings no matter how much I try to hide it. At that moment, I didn’t have a warm expression on my face. He turned bright red with what I assume was embarrassment, and unfolded the newspaper to read. Now I could laugh about it, but at the moment I was heated. I started to wonder if I needed a giant belt buckle that said: No eyes beyond this point! But I guess that would defeat the purpose now wouldn’t it. Since I wrote the blog, I’ve taken great care in covering that part of my body while on mass transit. Nothing is worse than a wondering erection where a woman screams pervert and your face is on the front page of the Daily News or someone watching in between your legs like its Direct TV.

Stuff like this makes me really make me want to get a car, to avoid nonsense like this.

Kenny.

[Lifestyles] For the sake of employment…

I wanted to share a story from when I was working a few years back… There was this young lady who was a supervisor and there was a major incident that was brought to my attention and needed to be dealt with since I was the senior supervisor in the office. I will let this be known now, that I was a complete asshole to most people in the office at the time because there was a lot of pressure on me to make sense of madness and like they say… Shit rolls downhill. So, most people caught a glimpse of my wrath when I was not pleased for whatever reason. Hell I am surprised how many people talked to me after the job was over. I was in my office space, when she approached me. I asked her to sit and began to talk about what happen. Without giving out details, she had messed up and as I was scolding her about her responsibilities especially since she was a supervisor. Yes, my words were harsh, but if it came from anyone else it would’ve been her job. As I spoke, she began to tear up and I could see she was trying really hard not to cry.

I stopped. I was not happy at all by this. I told her the following:

I know you’re not about to cry. Go into the bathroom and clean yourself up and we will talk more. You can show these weak emotions to those who are your superior because it makes you seem unstable and unable to do your job. You’re not being fired, but don’t put doubt in my mind. Do you want that? ::she shook her head:: Then go…

With that being said, she got up went to the bathroom and came back. Yeah it could’ve been a big argument or she could’ve gone and filed a complaint against me, but I just told her the truth. If you are perceived as an ineffective person at a job, you are replaceable. I kept her from getting fired and even help her move into other positions that was beneficial to her. The truth is that this day and age is tough. Jobs are slowly coming back and there are mobs (me being one of them) trying to make a strong enough impression so that people in power can say “I want him”. When you’re a person of color, there is 10 times the pressure to be stronger, wiser, tougher, smarter than our counterparts. If you’re not, then you have to settle for whatever minimum wage job out there that can’t even pay the rent. Throughout my adult life I’ve held different types of employment (sadly, this is the longest stretch of employment that I have encountered). From retail to office positions and the politics are the same everywhere you go.

The one thing I learned from that job was that sometimes there are asshole out there (me being one of them) that can make your job the living hell. From the customers who complain for the sake of complaining to the dumbass placed in management positions. No one is going to care about you if you can’t produce. What you need to focus on is if you are willing to accept the way things are or risk go on to greener pastures. A risk that could bring you less headache or finical uncertainty… Think about it for a second, what are you willing to put up with for the sake of employment?

Kenny.

[Lifestyles] Grade Pending

Listen close and you will hear a story of great woe. Just like the fairy tales of old, this tale begins with the phrase used so many times before with once upon a time in a little place called Canarise Brooklyn. It was a quiet night in which a BOY traveled to and fro in search of a great meal. With his stomach growling he entered a place called Fortune Cookies Chinese Restaurant. As the BOY entered the tiny little shop, he did not notice the NYC Health Department “Grade Pending” sign in front, because if he did it would have warned him of the troubles to come. The BOY gave the female shop keeper his order of lo mein with fried chicken and started to count the minutes before he can quench his hunger. As he sat and waited, one of the workers came into view. He was very slobbish, covered in dirt, grease and grime. Like clouds in the sky, the BOY could see patterns form on the workers apron. The BOY shuddered a bit. The worker placed a mop in his hand to the side so he could close a trash bag overflowing with rubbish. It was quite a difficult task. He took his bare hands to push everything inside so he could be able to seal the black bag. Once finished, he pulled the bag out and dragged it into the street for the garbage men to come pick it up in the wee hours of the morning. Once he returned, he entered the kitchen, dipped his hands in the container of lo mein noodles and threw it into a wok. The BOY gasped at this sight. The man, who he just seen taking his bare hands pushing down garbage, was now, cooking his meal without washing his hand. Sicken to the core, the BOY fled in hopes to never return, but he had realized one thing too late. He had eaten from this same place several times before…

The moral, if you can call it that is…

DO NOT FUCKING EAT AT FORTUNE COOKIE CHINESE RESTAURANT LOCATED AT 9004 AVEUNE B IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.!!!

Of course there is more to this story. A while back, I wrote a blog called: B is for Failure, in which I talked about a Subways restaurant on my block that had a B-rating from the Health department. After seeing that rating, I went on the health department’s website and did my own little research about other places in my neighborhood. Many places had sever violations and it made me really wonder had these places can get away with this. In this little adventure, I did my research once again on the placed named above and was shocked to what I had discovered and the loop holes used so that the public is not aware of this travesty. On the NYC health department website you can find out how they score and grade plus there latest and previous inspections. It’s quite simple really. The age of technology is just a wonderful beast at times.

When you are on the website, you can either enter in the eatery’s name you want to find or the zip code, which in this case 11236, and it will pull up the place or all the restaurants within that area. After filtering based on cuisine type (American, Bakery, Caribbean, Chinese, etc…), I found Fortune Cookies had a “Not Yet Graded” as their current grade (When I first did the search it was actually a C grade, but it has since changed). While going through the inspections on the left side of the screen of their most recent I disgusted by what I saw. To put things in perspective here is the how the health department score violations…

From the “How we score and Grade” PDF:

The points for a particular violation depend on the health risk it poses to the public. Violations fall into three categories:

A public health hazard, such as failing to keep food at the right temperature, triggers a minimum of 7 points. If the violation can’t be corrected before the inspection ends, the Health Department may close the restaurant until it’s fixed.

A critical violation, for example, serving raw food such as a salad without properly washing it first, carries a minimum of 5 points.

A general violation, such as not properly sanitizing cooking utensils, receives at least 2 points.

 

In September of last year, Fortune Cookie was graded 3 times. Once on the 10^th which added up to 62 violation points, the next on the 13^th which added up to 32 points and lastly on the 14^th with only 3 points. Lucky for the public you can actually see what they were violated for. This is a screen shot of the September 10^th list violations:

Click on image to expand size.

Personal cleanliness… does that creep anyone else out like it did me? I have to assume as a person looking at this, that it only received a 3 in there last inspection because of the city threatening to shut them down and they hired a crew of elves to come in and do there magic… maybe one of those Sookie Stackhouse fairies as well perhaps.

I began to wonder why in the hell did this place have a “Grade Pending” on its store front window when it clearly wasn’t making the grade at all. Everything was kind of confusing until I reread the PDF document. There is a part that I want to make EVERYONE aware of. Towards the bottom of the first page and the top of the second there is this:

“A restaurant has two chances to earn an A in every inspection cycle. If it doesn’t earn an A on the first inspection, it’s scored but ungraded. An inspector goes back to the restaurant unannounced, typically within a month, to inspect it again and the re-inspection is graded. If the grade is a B or C, the restaurant will receive a grade card and a grade pending card. It can post either card until it has an opportunity to be heard at the Office of Administrative Trials and Hearings Health Tribunal. 

Until a restaurant has a graded inspection, it is listed as Not Yet Graded on the Health

Department website”

I underlined the most important part. A place can either post the grade they had received OR a Grade Pending sign. Establishments, unless they are shut down, can hide their score from the public!!! Ain’t that some shit right there… I was ready to let Facebook, Foursquare, Google and anyone that could hear me from my soapbox about this place. That’s another reason to love the technology age. I started to comb the internet for some reviews and frankly there were very few expect for this one Yelps. Here is the screenshot:

Click on image to expand size.

A disclaimer though… While the place reviewed was actual ANOTHER Fortune Cookies restaurant in Bensonhurst, Dyker Heights area, the review mentioned a place called Chopsticks which is right down block and provides a better service than Fortune Cookie, so I knew that she might’ve made a mistake in placing the review there. I also felt that the first review was also talking about the Fortune Cookies restaurant as well, but I am not 100% sure about that.

After being sick for months and unable to stomach even the sight of food. It is disappointing that places like this exist and even shameful that people pack them without doing any research. A few minutes can avoid hours of throwing up or much worse. I suggest that everyone out there takes a moment (especially if you live in the New York area) to review some of the fast food places that you go into everyday. What you might learn may surprise you and save your life.

Kenny.

[My Life] Fitness FAIL

On January 17^th, I checked my bank account online and there was a debit from Planet Fitness of 10 dollars. I really, really started to kick myself because of it. You see, the charge wasn’t something that was shocked about getting, since I did have a membership with them. I just hated the fact that I feel like I was wasting money in a time where money is really needed. I’ve only been there once and you might have guessed it… it was t o sign up for that damn sweet membership offer. 20 dollars down, 10 dollars a month… Where can you find something like that in this day and age? Since coming back like Lazarus, where I was on the brink of death and left in an extremely weaken state, I have made great strides to improve my heath situation, but the one thing I have learned is that “the road to recovery is paved with bumps and bruises” so it’s been slow and sometimes painful to deal with. Trust me when I say that I have experienced it all over the last few months.

Since getting my gym membership, I eat all the time either at home or places like IKEA (The food there is off the chain!!!) or Wingstop which is better than any BBQ’s place around even Dallas BBQ’s right down the street in Downtown Brooklyn. I regained all the weight I had lost, go me!!! Especially since the crackish look was SOOO 1980’s. Being 6’3 and 148lbs was not a good look at all. Plus, I used to (and still have) major body issues. I thought I was too big, while others around me thought I was getting way too skinny for comfort. Even my mother told me that she thought I might be anorexic. Yeah, it was that serious…  So now, I have a book bag ready full of the necessaries of the gym, but I can’t seem to drag my ass over there which is only a 15 minute bus ride. It’s been either one thing or the other. The excuses have become: I am waiting for my brother to come with me since I don’t know/remember how to use the equipment; the weather outside is way too cold for me to go out; I am going to go first thing in the morning before the sunrise to avoid the muscle jocks that get off on looking freaks of nature; etc, etc, etc…

I do have other motives to getting in shape. This coming summer I want to go back to Robert Moses beach out in Fire Island which is clothing option. Yup, a nude beach and I want to be in the best physical shape so when I walk around with Mr. Happy flopping about and I don’t want to be self conscience about my increasing gut. Vanity… Such a wonderful sin, isn’t it? Beside the whole eating right and regularly, going to the doctor and taking my medications every day on time, I just really want to be one of those guys that will make jaws drop with a banging body.

It’s not going to happen overnight. I know that. It takes time, patience and all the other hippie crap you hear from the infomercials hocking some overpriced equipment. I just need to get that motivation to actually do it. But I will tell you this… If I don’t go to the gym before February 17^th, I am going to cancel my membership and get one of those Tae Bo tapes.

Kenny. 

[Lifestyles] A Billion Broken Shards

I can’t believe it’s been 10 years already. You hear people say that all the time in an abstract way on how time pushes forward while they’re somewhat stuck looking at one still moment in time. In the craziness of the day I still remember every little thing that happen and the emotions that I was going through. Well the emotions that we were all going through in some form or another. I wrote this blog about 5 years ago in which I posted and reposted to several social networking site as each anniversary passed. After this year, I will retire it. As a part of growing and moving on, I need to work on moving passed EVERYTHING that happened that month. I was only 20 when this happen, just a kid that was barely out of high school and had no understanding of what the world was trying to offer me, but on this day 10 years ago all that changed and I was forced just like the rest of the country to walk with fear.

So here is my story about that day…

I was dreaming… I don’t remember what it was about but I knew I was dreaming until it happen. That damn phone call. It was 7:30 in the morning and let’s be honest WHO would want to receive a call that early. Rolling over I looked at the Caller ID and it was a familiar number. My co-worker Jerry Garcia that just started working at the same store in Queens as I did with my Best-friend as our boss.

            “Hey Kenny… Can you do me a huge favor, please… Tell Kobe that I can’t come in today because I can’t get anyone to drive me into the City and Queens… and that I will try to come in tomorrow if I could get a ride to pick up my check.”

            Pissed, I said, “You know that Kobe has a Cell phone, why the hell are you calling my ass for?”

            “Kenny come on can you do me this favor?” he whined.

            “Whatever, Jerry I will talk to you later” I said hanging up the phone. I tossed the covers aside, went into the kitchen made breakfast. My grandmother was in her usually seat in the Living room watching Walker Texas Ranger and she was hooting and hollering as Chuck Norris kicked some bad guys ass. Once I finished with breakfast I brushed my teeth and headed back into my room to lay back down.

The timer on the TV turned itself on and the WB11 morning news was staring back at me. Ironically they were doing the weather forecast and talked about how beautiful the day was going to be. But of course no one knew what was to come beside those that put it in action. In a flash I turned the television off and turned on Z100, hoping to hear some music that would put me in a better mood. It was 8:30, when I closed my eyes hoping that would at least get another 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep before I had to get ready for work and be there on time at 11, but then the announcement came.

DJ Elvis Duran of the Z-morning Zoo broke into a song and announced that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center building a few minutes ago. I opened my eyes and grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. It was true. As I flip through every channel that had images of one of the World Trade Center buildings on fire.

            “Great…” I whispered. I just knew that nothing good was going to come from this.

It was just before 9am when I called my boss/best friend. He had just gotten into the store and from his voice he was nursing a hangover.

“Hey, Kobe” I said, somewhat extra cheerful.

“What happen?” he said automatically. After being best friends for so long he knew my moods.

“Well, I got a call from Jerry this morning and he wanted me to tell you that he wasn’t coming in today and –“… before I could say anything else he started screaming.

“THAT STUPID MOTHERFUC-“ Well you get the point he was pissed and swore up and down that Jerry’s ass was out and would be fired as soon as he finished his coffee. Just before I was about to hang up, I remember the plane crash. I took the remote from my grandmother, which she cursed at me about and turned it to network television.

“Kobe, have you seen the news yet?” I asked

“No… what’s up?” he answered.

“Well going home might be a problem for you because some plane crashed into the World Trade Center…”

“What!!!” he exclaimed.

He turned on the televisions in his store and he stared at the same images that I was staring at in my home. “Oh shit” he exclaimed. Flames and smoke were gushing out of the tall structure as the people below stood in shock.

“I wonder how something like-“ It felt like it was slow motion. Before I could complete my sentence we both saw the second plane crash into the World Trade Center and explode. The words: Oh my God…escaped my lips. It was at that point I knew there was much more to this than just being a coincidence.

“Kenny did you see that? Did you see that?” he said. I couldn’t speak as the second tower began to explode in fire and what seems like a billion broken shards of glass crashing to the ground below.

“Kobe I don’t believe it?” I finally said.

“But you saw it too, right?  You saw that plane hit the building right?”

“Yeah I did… I think I did…” I said confirming not only what Kobe saw but what I’ve seen as well. “Kobe I will call you back...” I said after a short pause.

My first thought was my mother. Was she at work or was she at the World Trade Center? I just need to make sure. Since she was looking for a new job and most of the people in her company were now employed at the World Trade. I grabbed the phone again and called my mother’s cell phone and to my shock, I heard it ringing in a pair of discard jeans on my bedroom floor. I had forgotten that I had used it that weekend and forgot to give it back to her. This day of all days, why did I do something stupid like that? I dialed her work number and all it did was ring and go to her voicemail. After the 7^th time I was in a panic.  She had to be alright… I kept telling myself and my grandmother was no help. She didn’t understand what was really happening or why I was stressing out the way I was.

“It’s nothing…” she kept saying to me in her deep southern drawl. “Your mama ain’t there she is at work”

But I knew better. As quickly as I could I grabbed some jeans and a shirt and raced out of the door leaving my grandmother no longer watching the broadcast but Walker, Texas Ranger.

Nothing worked. The trains were at a standstill and tempers at the train station were at its breaking point. No one knew anything and the token booth operator was at loss for words. I ran liked the wind to catch the B12 bus to take me across Brooklyn so I can at least find be closer to Downtown where I was praying my mother would be. The bus was crowded full of more people that were more confused than I was. The rumor mill was fluttering around that there more planes crashing and one crashed into a building in Washington D.C. The bus just passed Kings county hospital when some one said that one of the buildings collapsed. That was the first time I cried. Tears were streaming down my face, and a woman patted my back telling me that it was going to be okay. I couldn’t tell you what she looked like or how she sounded, I just remembered her patting my back and me saying something about needed my mother. When the bus finally made it to Flatbush Ave., I was one of the first ones out and rushed to the connected bus stop. At the B41 bus stop on Flatbush Ave. and Parkside Ave. I waited with another crowd of people looking to get into a cramped bused. The bus driver told everyone that there were no buses heading to downtown Brooklyn at that time. Men and women were cursing and screaming at each other, the bus driver and at the world. I couldn’t let this set back stop me. I started to run up Flatbush Ave. and towards Downtown. With my mother’s cell phone in hand I called her job again and received no answer.

As I passed the Prospect Park train station on the Q train I started to notice something.  There were no cars traveling around me anymore and the people coming towards me were not longer white or black… they were gray. Gray people. These Gray people were everywhere as I raced passed the infamous Prospect Park.

 As I reached Grand Army Plaza, I saw a female police officer and went up to her.

“Excuse me officer, is it true? Did a building collapsed?” I asked breathing hard from running and I feared that I would faint right there.

“I don’t know…” she said trying to direct people around. As I started again towards Downtown when the officer grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I got to find my mother” I said, trying to pull my arm away.

“It’s a mess down there, you will only be in the way…” she told me, but I didn’t listen or care about what she was trying to say to me. I had only one objective and that was my mother. And so I moved on. Rushing through the sea of gray people, I stopped at an electric store, where a friend of mine was working located on Atlantic Ave. and Flatbush Ave. The store was crowded with people hovering around the television and buying radios, batteries and other things. My friend Mathew took me into the backroom where I was trying to hold myself together. On the television in the back room I saw the last tower fall to the earth and people just started to cry and gasp. The Mayor was calling for those to leave lower Manhattan and I was scared out of my mind. I looked up at Mathew and he looked down at me and we were speechless.

His mind was on his wife and daughter and I was completely blank. I didn’t know what to do or say. Before I knew it I was out of the door and back on my journey. Downtown Brooklyn was a mad house full of people running from the imaginary boogeyman that was now in your lives. The Gray people were in numbers now, some bleeding, some crying but all covered in ash. As I made my way through the crowded Fulton Street Mall area in Downtown, Brooklyn I tried to close my mind to what was going on around me.

My mother was standing in front of her job. When I saw her, I couldn’t let her go. It was embarrassing to my mother because I just held her and kissed each of her cheeks over and over again right in front of her Boss. She smiled.

“Why didn’t you pick up the phone?” I asked my face flooded with tears.

“I wasn’t at my desk… we were at the window and saw the planes hit… so we got the hell out of the building. When I got a chance to call the house, your grandmother said that you were coming down here to get your MAMA!!!” she said laughing.

 I do not remember the way home or what we talked about, but I do remember that I held her hand all the way home. Over the next few days we found out that many of her friends and old co-workers died that morning in the may lay. I didn’t feel anything for the many died that morning at first; my main focus was my mother and she was with me. But as the images of the destruction started to be over played on national television displaying families, spouses and others calling for their missing love one that was surely dead, it made me wonder what was going to happen next. Even now I am still wondering what is next…

Kenny.

[Lifestyles] Celebrities and Porn: A Love Story.

Sam Jones III. Ever heard of the guy? If you ever watched the first couple of seasons of Smallville you might have. He played the only recurring African-American character on the show until he was written off. You might know him from another show. He also played the gay little brother to Mekhi Phifer character Greg Pratt in the acclaimed series ER. He has spent 10 years of his life in front of the camera in other small roles and I didn’t know who this man was until I looked at his Wikipedia page.  So you might be asking yourself, why am I bringing this up now? Well… I stumbled on to something interesting about the man, you see he has something in common with the likes of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and other wealthy D-List celebrities out there. He has a sex tape. In 2009, while I was dealing with my own personal issues, he was out there pushing a sex tape with himself and his girlfriend, one of Hugh Heffner’s ex girlfriends. Now it’s his life and what he does with his life is his business at the end of the day, but can I ask a question? When did having sex in front of a camera guarantee you a career in mainstream media? Or why are celebrities embarking in this route in keeping their names in the limelight? 10 years ago, if you were not in the porn industry where you are paid to have sex, having your private moments exposed for the world to see was an embarrassment. Now, people build careers off of them without remorse.

Now, I have seen Porn movies that attempt to merge acting and graphic sex. Some are successful like that “NOT” series of videos (i.e. “Not The Office”, “Not 3’s Company”, “Not The Cosby Show”, or “Not Good Times”), while others tend to leave me wanting to jab Q-Tips into my ears to spare myself the pain of hearing annoying dialogue. Like come on, how many times are you going to look into the cupboard and “inspect” something? Just please bend over so we can get this show on the road for pete sake. Maybe it’s just my impatient personality kicking in. I really don’t want to come off holier than thou on this, because I have no problem watching any of these videos. None at all… But it kills me when I see people who have no real talent, being famous for what they have done laying down with their feet up! Let’s keep it real, would American really care about Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton if they weren’t seen deep throating a penis? Sometimes you just have to shake your head and wonder…

Kenny.

[My Life] Punch Drunk Kenny

I like drinking alcohol. The first few questions I ask when I enter a party is: “Where is the alcohol?” and “Who is making my drink?” Damn it, I am 30 and enjoy the moments where I can get so wasted that I look forward to waking up in some back alley, peeing on myself while recovering some repressed memories. But sadly, way too many people have seen me drunk over the last few years. I really didn’t mean for that to happen, but when you’re invited to house parties and bar events, where one thing would lead to another… Shit happens! Plus, I hate being drunk around people who either bother me or I have some kind of issue with because at some point in the night, the temporary wall I’ve built in my mind to hold back my true feelings will come crumbling down and yeah… it’s not pretty. Not pretty at all, but I can’t help myself. I am frankly not a “Let’s talk about my feelings” type a guy. I mostly keep everything in because I find that it’s better to just let it go for the moment but always remember what was done… but after that 4^th or 5^th rum and coke, well… The worst I’ve been was at a house party, where I drank that host of the party’s sister “Witches Brew” and had to piece together what the hell happen from videos that were posted on facebook the next few days. It seemed that I went all out and just told EVERYONE how I felt about them one by one and most of my comment were VERY inappropriate (Someone cried and block me on facebook because of it). It was a mess, especially since we had all worked together at the time and when I came into work that Monday morning it was all over the office. Another instance was me getting into a fist fight, but that’s a whole other story…

 So now I try to minimize my consumption since my funds are limited and avoid trouble in its many forms. However, that leads me into a new dilemma. For some reason all this summer I have been, as a former co-worker put it so lovely, in “Super Save A Negro” mode when I go out drinking. The company I’ve kept has gotten themselves so fucked up on the sauce that I had to make sure that they didn’t get arrested, sexually assaulted or too sick to stand so I could get them home safely. All of this ends me indulging in my own fun, which may not be such a bad thing in the long run. Maybe it’s just in my nature to care about my friends because at first I didn’t mind, but it became a constant thing, where babysitting was my job.

UUGGGHHH!!!

Sometimes it is not worth being known as the GOOD GUY or PROTECTOR!!!

Tomorrow night, I am going to go to this bar in lower Manhattan called the Iron Horse. It has a nice mix crowd and the bartenders are really cool for the most part and I have been going there for the last few months since one of my friends Andre put me on to the place. In fact I had blogged about the bar before in a blog called Crash. I am going there to chat with friends, make new ones and hopefully not feel like I have to keep a cape and red tights the “S” on the chest just in case something happens. Alcohol can be a wonderful at times, but a beast on the mind the next day…

Kenny.

[My Life] Summer Gone By

I can’t believe that it is already September. Labor Day is right around the corner and the 10^th anniversary of September 11^th shortly after that, it is very clear to be that time is moving faster than I wish. Luckily, with all the over hyped drama from Hurricane Irene and the East Coast Earthquake subsiding, I am settling into a new sense of what the hell am I going to do now. With the Summer of Kenny almost over, something I am not going to miss at all even with all the adventures I embarked in, I am trying to figure out what path I should make for myself. But for a brief second let’s have a review.

Here is a summary of some of my Summer of Kenny experiences:

• ·         Reconnecting with my EX, which naturally ended badly. People are your EX for a reason!!! Why, OH WHY did I not learn that lesson sooner!
• ·         Being in love triangle that left me the odd man out. Great Job, Kenny! I never have to wonder why I am single again!
• ·         Being naked somewhere, which was actually a fun thing, so I really don’t have any problems with that. There is a lot behind that of course…
• ·         Thrown up on, pushed, kicked, screamed at… and that’s just by my friends! Imagine what someone would do if they hated me?
• ·         Arguing with strange people in strange places and having it video recorded. I am just waiting for something to pop off on Youtube any day now…
• ·         Stalked by store security at several stores!!! Do I seriously look like Dangerous Black man X???
• ·         Still unemployed!!!!!
• ·         Let’s not forget being sick in bed at least once a week unable to move. Those are fun moments for sure!!!

As the weather begin to change and my allergies take over leaving my face so swollen that I end up looking like the great pumpkin, I got to keep some momentum in the movements I am making going. Not only just me, but for my family. I have to continue to be strong even when I am so scared that all I want to do is hide in the corner wishing that everything would just fix itself. So as this season of Summer of Kenny ends to be picked up again next year and the Autumn of Kenny’s Discontent about to begin in just a few weeks all I have to say is…

Reprise the theme song and roll the credits!

Kenny.

[My Life] Summer of Kenny.

At this very moment, we say good bye to spring time and say hello to summer. About damn time if you ask me. Last summer, I was stressed with work and the summer before that I was in and out of hospitals and nursing homes as my grandmother was going through the healing process from the accident, so as you might’ve guess there was no “ME” time to be had. While I am still on my job hunt and fine tuning my budget, for the first time in a long time, I am going to enjoy the weather while it last and this week it is suppose to be really good. I think this summer I am going to stay single or at least limit myself to just maintaining sex friends. After months of dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of a relationship, I am ready to change everything up and enjoy being free of any attachments.

This past weekend, I went with my best friend, some of his friends and roommates to the beach. It was a good time for the most part. One of our traveling companions, who I will call Lex, worked on my last good nerve. Annoying, loud, touchy… all the things that instantly make me what to start cutting limbs, but I used this thing called self control and refrained from anything that would land me in jail. Oh and by the way, do not call yourself a serious graphic designer if all you use MS Paint and cannot name other design programs… Fucktard, but I digress… I spent the day sprawled out on the sand with a book The Moonlight Earth By, Christopher Rice. I watched some of the beach bodies floating around which made me realized how much my body was not up to par with most and not caring… Well, I do care a bit, even though I am slim I would want to have a defined chest and abs instead of the keg I have developing now. I joked, ate some snacks which included honey melons and even went down to the shore line. Everything was great until…

This is what I hate. If you’re going somewhere with a group of people then you need to leave that place with the same group of people unless you state something different beforehand. An hour before we left, Lex grabbed his belongings and wonder off without a word to us. Somehow there was some confusion because my best friend thought he had put everything of value like his wallet and car keys in Lex’s book bag. Since Lex did not have a cell phone, it was urgent to locate him. After some time of searching the beach, we figured out that we actually had everything with us EXPECT for Lex, so we took a vote.

Look around once more or get in the car and go back to the house.

My vote was to get in the car and bounce. If you’re grown enough to just leave a group of people to do your own thing, then you should have the carfare to get back home. Shit, I don’t go anywhere without having at least 5 dollars in quarters for the bus. It took a minute to convince the rest of the traveling crew, but as time lurched on and the cool air started to sweep around us, we were all on the same page. Hell this is the reason why minorities do not last that long in horror movies. Looking for the lost friend or investigating a mysterious noise is not in my day planner. No Sir… We went back to the house and cooked dinner when Lex arrived without a word about where he has been or an apology. I get the whole: I am a grown man concept, but if you are going to do grown shit, then you should at least own up to it. As he made his way around the floor, I looked at him closed my best friends bedroom door and ignored him for the rest of the night.

For me, I am not going to spend my time caring about the lives of people who have no consideration of others. So this year I’m 30, single and I am going to enjoy the summer of Kenny without restraint.

Kenny.

[Stupidity is NOT a Legal Defense] Faking Jacks

I don’t get it.

Anytime I see a photo with displaying a whole lot of money, I am thinking of an IRA, rent, paid bills, a down payment for a house, car, investment property… not this fuckery here.

 I really do not understand why people go out of there way and post photos of themselves with loads of money around them when they should know better. I posted a blog about this before called Flashing Jackson (back then, I think my words were a bit harsher) where I talked about this foolishness, but it keeps happening. In the age of the internet am I the only one who sees logic and common sense rapidly leaving our society? Even worse are the photos with wads of money on top of infant children. Now where are child protection services when you really need them, huh? The fact is money is dirty and can carry germs. Germs that can damage a maturing immune system. But you have these dummies that go out of their way to not only take these picture, but POST them where other idiots try and follow suit. Oh and let’s not even talk about the traces of drugs that still linger on the bills out there in circulation. Someone could’ve had that 20 up their nose sniffing coke or meth 24 hours before you touched it and here you go with it all over you. Really…  There are other things that are worse than the money photos and  that is of course the epidemic of sex-ting nude photos, which fucks up the lives of teens and high power adults, but that is another blog in the making.

I think as technology and all the things you can with it advances, stupidity increases as well. Let’s be real, it’s not new for someone to get in trouble for what they post online because the internet is funny place. You might think uploading that photo of yourself chopping down on a burger of $100 dollar bills is cute, but you never know WHO is looking at these photos. It could be that perspective boss you just interviewed with for that dream job. It could be law enforcement breezing through profiles and wondering why you’re unemployed (or listed yourself AS unemployed), but got all that money around you. Am I the only one watching the news stories about people being locked up for what photos and videos that they post? But most likely it is someone with ill intent seeing what you have and plotting to take it from you by any means necessary.

Seriously, people need to stop and think like a serial killer every once in awhile just for the sake of prevention. So I am looking for people to explain to why people do suck foolishness. Any takers?

Kenny.

[Lifestyles] Fatherhood

So Father’s Day was yesterday. Big Deal… If you haven’t guess by now, I am not a fan of the day, but there are many reason why. Besides the fact that my own father is a fucktard, I see this day and others like it as a way for the greeting card companies to make a buck. Seriously, what is the main point of the day? One day out the year people tend to make a spectacle of themselves running out to get that must have gift for dear ole dad to show him how much you care. I figure, if you are being a good father, then you do not need a day where people tell you that. In fact, when you take the role of a parent it is your duty to make sure that the next generation is better than your own. My generation was great, but yours will be spectacular… What happen to that mindset?

I am not going to knock others for doing what they do because of the tradition, but I hope other people feel where I am coming from. As the role of Fathers has changed throughout the generations, there are men stepping up to the plate and there are men slithering out of sight to avoid any responsibility, but that is not new. I have wondered about the state of “Black Fatherhood” in this country and how it impacts the next generation. There can be several lengthily debates surrounding this. Some things I would agree with while other ideas I believe to have as much accountability as a pound of horse shit. Over the years, I’ve seen the good men work there asses off in being a good father, teaching their children to be grown adults and doing what they have to do in supporting their family and better society. On the other side of the card, I have seen and experienced for myself men who chose not to do anything for the lives they produce. What you hear the most about is the latter and I hear the complaints roaring. When I hear guys complain about paying child support or about their Baby mama drama, I cringe a bit. Child support is there to benefits the well being of a child. Even if you’re not in your child’s life you are obligated to make sure that you seed eats, has a roof over it’s head and is able to live a healthy existence until the age of maturity. Yes the cost of living is going up while the living wage in most states is either at a standstill or going down, but that is no one’s problem but your own since no one told you to splash off without protection into someone and creating your own problem. The system is there for everyone to use. For example, if you feel that the woman you have a child with is misusing the funds that you are sending or that is being subtracted from your paycheck, you can go to court and either get joint or primary custody. Of course it is not as simple as I had stated there is a lot of work that is involved, but there are measures in place that can be utilized. While it gets on my nerves when men complain about the subject, it equally gets on my nerves when women get on their soap box and preach about dead beat dads. Get it together…  just like I would say so any man about their baby mama, keep in mind that YOU CHOSE TO LAY DOWN WITH THE MAN, do not get mad when you realized too late that he wasn’t worth shit.

I know there are going to be a few people out there who will assume I am a touch bitter. Perhaps, I might be. I guess as I age, I hope to see a different view of everything…

Kenny.